WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

A heroic local man has today done his bit to save a big old sea turtle from the worst of humanity.

After enjoying a morning stroll down to the yuppie inner city French Quarter Markets for a  halloumi and egg roll, Will Woodward decided to tack on an $8 orange juice as well.

Because, he’s hungover, and it looks like a nice pulpy straight from the orange kind juice, so why not. 

Trying to deplete his relatively endorphinless body the young man slowly rolled through the meal and drawing out the much needed dopamine hit for as long as possible, before deciding to find a bin and stroll on home for a little lie on the couch. 

With everything going as well as it possibly could, Woodward then tossed his paper bag and cup into the bin in an effort not to add to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, that’s now double the size of NSW, and growing. 

However, despite the paper bag Lebron Jamesing into the Bin, the cup bounced off the rim and bobbled down the footpath in the wind, moments away from being blown down the drain into a nearby waterway. 

“God’ he sighed trying to turn his slow moving rig around like a bus caught on a tight suburban street. 

With the horrifying flashback of that turtle having a straw pliered out of its nose taking over from the flashback of what he said last night, Woodward set off after the bit of litter. 

“Yeah, that video haunts me,” he said gritting his teeth after getting the cup back in the bin. 

“The screams, the blood coming out of the nose while it wriggles around, it’s real full on.” 

“So I try to do my bit so that doesn’t happen on my account.

“Gives me serious chills.” 

“Did you know, if a sea turtle eats one piece  of plastic it’s got a 1 in 5 chance of dying?”

“Fun fact for your Saturday,” he said before plodding off back down the street. 


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