There’s finally some good news to report today, with the Government revealing that they are set to re-instate JobKeeper.

This livelihood saving announcement comes after it was revealed that the nation’s capital, which is Canberra, will go into lockdown tonight after a positive case was identified in the town.

The positive case is set to have visited a number of locations including a nightlife venue until 4:45am on Sunday morning before heading to Church a few hours later, with authorities praising him for ‘religiously’ using QR codes to check in.

That revelation of an active case caused Chief Minister Andrew Barr to down tools at his office job and assume the reins of leader of the Territory once again.

Within a couple of hours of hearing the news, Barr, announced a seven-day lockdown from 5 pm Thursday.

“We are a city, just like Sydney and Melbourne, and we are going to have a lockdown like proper grown-ups too,” said Barr today.

As a result of the lockdown, the nation’s federal politicians who are currently based in the Bush Capital have decided to bring back JobKeeper payments to ensure life runs as seamlessly as possible for them.

“You think I wanna walk down the road to the cafe and find there’s no one there to make me a chocolate thick shake,” said the Prime Minister today.

“Exactly, so JobKeeper is back for as long as the people in Canberra are in lockdown,” Morrison said.

“Obviously we’ll have to give it to the bludgers in Melbourne and the rest of the country too,” he sighed.

“Maybe everyone can get off my case now.”


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