NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has told the people of the nation’s weeping wound that they will have to live with the policy mistakes that nobody is actually responsible for as the spicy cough takes up a permanent home in Sydney.

In the moments after the morning media conference, the under-siege leader said that mistakes were made but nobody is ultimately responsible for them.

“Mistakes, they happen,” she said.

“So there’s no use in dwelling on it. Trying to find out who or what is responsible for this outbreak of the Sydney Sneeze is pointless,”

“Sure, people have died and that super tragic but like having an inquiry into this later on will just be a massive waste of government money and resources. So yeah, I don’t think it’d be good if someone was held responsible for this unmitigated disaster that’s lead to untold human suffering and economic ruin,”

“Like if pointing the finger at me, for example, or Scott Morrison, like we’re only trying to lead the country so what we do shouldn’t be held against us. Do you understand?”

The Premier then paused.

“Look, can I just say that I’m so grateful to the people of Sydney and my medical team who give the best advice that I just follow, so if you’ve got an issue with that then like take it up with Dr Chant,” she said.

“Don’t shoot the messenger! [laughs]”

More to come.


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