According to Scotty From Marketing’s newest announcement aimed at drowning out the news that Christian Porter MP is paying his legal fees through a blind trust that has been topped up with millions of dollars by a faceless stranger who he has never met, Australia is getting eight cool new submarines!

Yesterday it was announced that several cabinet Ministers were given special border exemptions to meet in Canberra and begin nutting out this new deal that not one voter asked for or cares about.

According to these new announcement, Australia, the UK and US have formed a new security partnership named AUKUS – a new acronym that President Joe Biden doesn’t seem to know too much about considering the fact that he couldn’t even remember the Australian Prime Minister’s name in a press conference earlier today.

As a first initiative, AUKUS will build nuclear submarines for Australia’s fleet. There will be eight of them. They will not have nuclear weapons, they will just be nuclear-powered, which in itself is a pretty scary responsibility for a government that can’t manage to run a services website that doesn’t crash under the mildest web traffic.

The new partnership is designed to counter threats in the Indo-Pacific, which is a politician’s way of saying that Australians should be scared of China, without saying it, because our country would get absolutely smoked if the Morrison government’s pitiful attempts at managing hostile diplomatic relations with our biggest trading partner resulted in some sort of a military conflict.

However the idea that our country of 25 million people, with a military of 43,000 personnel wouldn’t stand a chance in a war against 1.4 billion Chinese, looks to be a myth that Scotty From Marketing is keen to bust.

Because we have eight new submarines on the way, in 25 years, if everything goes to plan.

The news of Scotty’s new plan to rule the seas has apparently struck fear into the heart of Xi Jinping, who is worried that his army of 2.8 million soldiers only have until 2046 to prepare for Australia’s fleet of underwater superboats.

It is believed a shadow of panic has engulfed all 21 million residents in the Chinese capital of Beijing today, as the true force of Australia’s military capabilities hits home.


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