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Richard Colbeck has today told the nation to just calm down a little bit.

Facing calls for his resignation, the Federal Aged Care Services Minister told The Advocate today that he can’t really understand what all this fuss is about.

“What’s everyone screaming blue murder for,” said Colbeck in regards to the surge of spicy cough related deaths in aged care.

“I’m mean, it’s not like they were gonna be around for much longer anyway.”

“Come on, most of em were knocking on the door upstairs.”

This follows spicy cough related deaths in aged care since July, with nearly 500 alone in January.

The rapidly mounting death toll comes to the backdrop of aged care workers publicly calling out the government for the systematic failures within the industry that leads to negligence, poor standards of care and underpaid and overworked staff.

However, Colbeck says the tedious questions about how we are going to stop vlunerable Australians dying while soaked in their own urine as minimum wage workers flee the indsutry – are ‘doing his head in.’

“That’s why I went to the Ashes,” laughed the seniour government minister who went to get on the piss at the cricket instead of going to a parliamentary inquiry about why huge numbers of people were dying in the area he is supposed to be in charge of.

“Yawn. We like to leave these things to the private sector to sort out, because they’ll find efficiencies in the system rather than just strip as much money out as they can while leaving the people they are supposed to provide for to suffer.”

“Not my problem.”

“No one cares about the treatment of old people until they see their mum or dad humilated and neglected in an under funded or understaffed home.”

“Besides, most of them had a good innings anyway,” he said, bursting into laughter.

“Better than the English cricket team did, that’s for sure.”


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