ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Popular entertainment identity Tim Minchin has vowed today to lead all lost West Australians home in time for Christmas this year after the hermit kingdom’s de facto leader Mark McGowan appeared before him in a burning bush.

Minchin, who is ethnically West Australian but “British” by birth, told this masthead that McGowan said that all West Australians who aren’t home are currently in danger and feel they’re being persecuted by tyrannical governments like the one in New South Wales.

“It’s my duty, as a West Australian,” he said.

“I know there’s a lot of my fellow West Australians stuck over here on the East Coast and Mark has given me the duty of leading them home, through the desert, to shelter back in the prosperous West,”

“We’re going to be leaving soon, navigation won’t be that hard. All I need is a compass that points west.”

When asked by The Advocate why McGowan chosen him, Minchin took a minute then spoke with a soft authority.

“My show, Upright, was largely set and filmed in the desert. In the ‘outback’ as the politicians and people on various tourism boards like to call anything that’s not within an hour of a major capital city,” he said.

“I know what the desert is like, the desert lives within me. I’ve been there before,”

“When we cross the Darling just north of Pooncarie, on the topside of Mungo, that’s when the desert begins. We will walk that country west to the Bight and walk the mulga country west until the trees leave us behind, like the last lamp post on the edge of town, across the Nullabor of silence and celestial light. When we make it to the border, our brothers will wash our feet and take us home.”

The Advocate sent a telegram to the Democratic People’s Republic of Western Australia Government but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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