ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

At 61-years-old, Brisbane man Damien Chester knows nearly all of his organs will go in the biowaste bin down the hospital if things go pear-shaped while riding an electric share scooter about town.

He said it might be the death wobbles that get him, it might be some hidden stairs. He might end up under a bus or he might even run into someone and hurt them. Either way, the father-of-four told The Advocate this afternoon that he knows he’s tempting fate each time he goes for a spin.

“Which is usually after a show down at South Bank,” he said.

“We get on the heavies down at The Fox until my mate Larry falls asleep or confuses the pokies for the pisser, then we get on those scooters and ride around to sober up a bit. Then we ride them into town and have some more to drink,”

“Ride them on the road, on the footpath. Wherever we want. We’re old white men in Brisbane, we do what we want. Sometimes we even ride around to Fridays, park up and scan off, then throw them into the River for a laugh. Fuck it’s funny hearing the scooters beep in panic. Beep beep beep! Help me! I drowning! Beep!”

But when asked if there was one risk he wouldn’t take, the spoilt old cunt said he was waiting for the Pfizer because he’s more important than the people around him.

“Oh no, you can shove that stuff up your arse, mate,” he said.

“Mate, the government told me not to get it, so I’m not. They’re only telling me to get it now because they’ve worked out that dragging all the old people in Australia into the bin and deleting them permanently is much cheaper than paying their pensions out,”

“I’m not letting the government let me die so they can turn my flesh and bone into food for inner-city pets. I saw Nirvana live, mate. I don’t deserve to wind up being sausage dog shit!”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here