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Embattled Liberal Senator Michaelia Cash reportedly snatched an idle letter opener off her desk and hidden under the table as a man attempting to service a Federal Court subpoena knock on her office door.

Earlier today, the Federal Court has issued a subpoena that forced Jobs Minister to give evidence in the Australian Workers Union (AWU) raids case.

However, the prominent West Australian has since made it clear that she does not want to do that.

Speaking to The Advocate via wired telephone as she sat crammed under her Tasmanian cedar desk in Parliament House, Cash said she’s since instructed her lawyers to fix the problem.

“I can hear the prick, he’s right outside my door,” she whispered.

“My lawyers are on the way here to try and stop him. I’ve got my letter opener in case he feels the need to kick the door down. I can’t believe my staff just let him in foyer like that,”

“Please help. If he serves those papers to me, I’m fucked! And not just me, Malcolm would be fucked as well. Come to think of it, that silver-tongued kayaking lunatic has a law degree. I’ll give him a ring.”

Cash slammed the phone down and started to dial the Prime Minister’s number when she heard a loud crack come from the door.

“Fuck,” she said softly.

“Somebody’s fucking let him in here!”

She peered up from behind her desk and saw Malcolm slip through the door smiling.

He guestered to her, saying get up off the floor and to sit down in her chair.

“I don’t think there’s any way around this,” said Malcolm.

“Who are you using for legal council? I know a few old friends down here who can hel..”

Malcolm pasued as he saw Michaelia pull the letter opener out of her pocket and stab it down on the table.

“Shine,” she said.

“I’m with fucking Shine Lawyers! We’re fucked!”

Malcolm nodded in agreement, picked up her phone and rang the leader of the Opposition.

“Hello Bill,” he said.

“Can you do me another pair? Yes. Yes, my Jobs Minister is about to go on extended leave until this whole thing with your boss blows over, yeah?”

More to come.


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