ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of our town’s biggest fuckwits has gone out and bought himself a used fuckwit car today, which he plans to use for fuckwit activities.

Commercial leasing agent Robbie Pickle, said fuckwit, said he needs a car to suit his fuckwit image and there’s no better car on the market than a hot Mercedes Benz hatch with a stupid fuckwit spoiler on the back.

“When I give it some at the lights and it kicks down, the exhaust lets out this obnoxious crack and it makes me feel like I’ve made it in life,” he said.

“Do you know how much it cost me? No, I want you to guess. What? [laughs] I would make that in a week! It cost me like $99 000 and not a cent of that is financed or leased. It’s all me, baby,”

“I bet you wouldn’t make that in a year being a journalist. Like good on your for doing it but like, what car do you drive? Oh my fucking God! Do you actually drive a VE Commodore with stretched timing chains and a sagging roof liner? Do you have depression? What’s the matter with you?”

“I wouldn’t even let any of my underlings drive one of those. Seriously, you need to get some self-esteem, bro. Hit the gym and shit. Get a sick sled and fuck mate, it’ll turn your life around.”

When asked if he thought dressing like fuckwit, driving a fuckwit car and acting like a fuckwit might be a bad thing, Pickle just laughed.

“Nah man,” he said.

“I’m a fucken mad cunt.”

More to come.


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