ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The latest modelling done by the NSW Government has been leaked this afternoon and it does not paint a flattering picture of the current situation in Sydney.

The modelling, conducted in partnership by a number of Sydney tertiary institutes, suggests that nobody in the state of NSW has any idea what the fucken plan is or what the government is doing to solve the countless problems plaguing the state at the moment.

“The research says nobody has any fucken idea what’s going on,” said the paper.

“From the Federal Government to the State Government, it’s just a mash of conflicting policy and restrictions with a hint of over-policing people who are broke and speak fuck all English,”

“Our modelling, found on page six through nineteen, puts forward the hypothesis that this current situation of lockdown will continue forever than that it’ll only end when enough people are vaccinated. In the future, you can expect private businesses such as Qantas and Virgin to move to a model whereby only vaccinated people can fly. Followed then by other transport and infrastructure companies. Followed by pubs, clubs and resturants,”

“But until then, the people running the show have no idea what’s going on. If you’re not running the show and you don’t live in a comfy home near the water then you must be prepared to eat shit and die. To be sacrificed upon the altar of the nation’s collective progress out of this mess,”

“You will be remembered as a Hero of the Australian Republic once we boot these inbreds out of our constitution, which our modelling suggests will be in 2029.”

To read the full leaked modelling report, please click here.

More to come.


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