ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

After trying nothing and failing, state and federal governments are asking young toxic men to bully the population into getting the Australian-made AstroZuchinni jab.

Federal Health boss, Greg ‘Meek Minister’ Hunt, told journalists this morning in Canberra that despite all the efforts of the government, young people still aren’t taking up the offer of having the AZ.

“So we’re hoping the bullies of Australia, the toxic males, will ridicule and humiliate their friends – and perfect strangers – into getting the jab,”

“By any means necessary. We don’t mind if they use homophobia, racism, sexism, ageism, ableism. We just need people to be bullied into getting the AZ because we have lots of that,”

“My message is that getting the population ready for the borders to open is more important than making people cry with names.”

Local toxic male, Brett Overell, said he was born to bully people into getting the AZ and will relish the opportunity to call people horrible names in public.

In the best interests of the country, he says, he’s going to pull out the big guns.

“Some of my mates are waiting for the Michelle Pfeiffer, I reckon they’re just being a bunch of soft-eyed [redacted by legal] shirt [redacted by legal]. Oh man, I was fucken made for this job. I can’t wait to call some uppity, old boomer [redacted by legal] a dopey, simping [redacted by legal],” he said.

“Like, imagine calling your mates a fucken [redacted by legal] in public and getting no blowback from [redacted by legal]. It’s a fucken dream come true. Oh man. If you don’t get the AstroZuchinni because you’re scared of getting the blood clots, then you’re a fucken [redacted by legal]. For real, a [redacted by legal]. The Diggers went over to shoot the shit out of [redacted by legal] and commit [redacted by legal] and you [redacted by legal] can’t even get a little jab in your little [redacted by legal] arm? Go fuck yourself. I reckon Prince Phillip, in his current state, has a better chance of clean bowling Ricky Ponting around his legs than you do of getting an AZ blood clot,”

“Wake up to yourself, [redacted by legal]. I’m going to make sure every meek little [redacted by legal] in Betoota has their first jab by Sunday night.”

More to come.


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