ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A study conducted by our town’s peak scientific body, the South Betoota Polytechnic School of Science, has concluded that the issue the government is facing regarding the funding of Industry Minister Christian Porter is unlikely to go away if Mr Porter bursts into tears in front of journalists, plays the victim and goes on a paid holiday for a number of weeks.

Earlier this year, then Attorney-General Christian Porter took some paid time off work for personal reasons.

Some journalists were writing mean things about him so he decided to take them to court and [redacted by legal] but it didn’t work out the way he wanted so he [redacted by legal] – or in layman’s terms, he made an absolute [redacted by legal] of himself.

However, the disturbing nature of the most recent controversy to dump Mr Porter onto the sandbar of accountability has prompted him to perhaps rinse and repeat the practice of crying on live television, playing the victim and going on paid leave again.

Professor Bench Smith, who conducted the study, explained that doing that again probably would pass the pub test.

“The issue is that there’s a fuck tonne of money coming from somewhere for Christian Porter to pay his lawyers to sue a journalist and the ABC,” he said.

“And he won’t tell us where the money is coming from, which for the democratic process is chilling and downright disgusting. It lacks transparency which this situation requires,”

“The government holds a one-seat and if Porter packs it in, his West Australian seat will go to Labor just because and then they’re cooked. Back to corralling Katter and Zali to get legislation through the House,”

“This money is coming from somewhere and it needs to be revealed. Crying and going on leave like a scared little private schoolboy won’t cut it this time.”

More to come.


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