While talking to each other as though they run an African-American criminal organisation in South Baltimore, four-to-five ex private school boys, aged between 24 and 28, have made a pact to never reveal to their parents or neighbours about what happened on Friday night.

Alistair, Henry, Nicholas, Fraser and (maybe) William have assured one another that it is all-for-one and one-for-all.

“Don’t tell a soul” says Henry, the leader of the group, who works in finance but still enjoys ‘smoking up’ Nicholas’ family pool house.

“If anyone finds out. We all go down” he says while they meet at a nearby soccer oval.

In what has been described as the greatest controversy to grace Adelaide East Street in the Brisbane suburb of Ascot since Debbie Mallet had and affair with Roger Meares in 1999, the local men, who seem to still live at home, were either involved or witnesses to a disgusting display of vandalism.

It is believed that Alistair, the out of control member of the group, was ‘so drunk on vodka’ that he kicked over the Birley families letterbox, while stating that he thought the third Birley son (Timothy) was ‘shit at footy’.

With the pressure of a classic private school ‘whodunnit’ appearing to affect some of the lads, there is absolutely no room for the weak.

Alistair suggests maybe he should just own up.

“Don’t even think about it, bra!” roars Henry.

“We got your back, bro. Stay strong”


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