ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Bondi man who got in touch with this masthead today to complain about something got sidetracked and suggested that should he play Devil’s Advocate, which is something he said he regularly does just for fun, that he’d be able to visit yuppie Mecca in August if the NSW Government grew a set and fenced in the Westies.

Despite being the type of bipedal pig that played a large role in the Sydney Sneeze getting out of hand, Bondi cafe owner Murray Bedbumper explained that it’s people out in the western suburbs of Sydney like McGurdle Park, Freshman’s Crossing and Pogostick Creek that are actually ruining it for everyone.

“Sure, this whole thing is entirely Gladys Berejiklian’s fault. History will remember her poorly – and whatever board or position she takes up at Macquarie Bank after that sad-eyed man on the lowlands Andrew Constance knifes her won’t make that fact anymore turbid,”

“But like, there’s almost no cases outside of those suburbs, like the ones where for some reason they can’t seem to stop going over to each other’s houses and licking the doorknobs or whatever they’re doing. Like, we’ve demonstrated that we can follow rules in my part of the world so why must we be punished?”

“Just playing Devil’s Advocate for a minute but what if we locked them all up? Like the ones who, for some reason, can’t follow the rules. A ring of steel like Melbourne had. Maybe we can also put a curfew on those people?”

“I’m not supporting the idea, I’m just playing Devil’s Advocate. Like, if we did perhaps, fence them all in, would I still be able to keep my booking in Byron? I mean, it’s not like Byron isn’t already full of people from Bondi, anyway,”

“So yeah, food for thought.”

Mr Bedbumper then explained he had to go with his brother, a supplement store owner, to pick up a batch of coffee beans and protein powder from Port Botany and the Fish Markets – and that he’d be prepared to give further comment tomorrow.

More to come.


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