ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Despite being denied access to jabs since day dot, the Premier of New South Wales has told the Harbour City’s young people that they are to blame for the spread of the Sydney Sneeze.

“This is all your fault, not mine,” said Gladys Berejikilian today in Sydney.

“You are leaving your homes and spreading the virus. Disappointing! Argh! It’s so hard to control this virus when young people, in Western Sydney, are doing the right thing,”

“Go and get your AstroZuchinni! I know you’ve only been allowed to take it for a few weeks now but there’s no excuse anymore! I have provided the solution and you are not taking advantage of it. That means it’s no longer the fault of the government. We don’t live in the past. We are a forward-thinking government,”

“And if we refuse to commit to a target, we cannot be held responsible for anything. By placing the onus on young people to get us out of this mess, the government can therefore place the blame on them when the shit hits the bedsheets.”

Health Minister Brad Hazzard then stepped up to the microphone and cleared his throat.

“I love flowers I’d love to have the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven there’s nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with fields of oats and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying there’s no God I wouldn’t give a snap of my two fingers,” he said.

“Stay at home and wash your hands. Thank you.”

More to come.


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