ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A farmer from the New South Wales western division has told The Advocate this morning that koalas are the biggest issue facing his enterprise right now and he backs the NSW Nationals leader to have his cake and eat it, too.

“Good on old Barra,” said Gus Stockwell of Gumly Gumly Station via Engonnia.

“I’m losing thousands of tonnes of gumleaf to these bloody fucken koalas each year. These bastards are out of control. If you think the koalas are thick here, go see what it’s like over at Toorale,”

“When this fuck-arse government bought that place and locked the gate, it all went mad. There’s koalas coming out of the fucken air, over there,”

“I’m glad my right to shoot these fucken things is being fought for in the state parliament. How else am I supposed to control their numbers?”

However, Mr Stockwell said luckily, this was the only issue that was really hurting him at the moment.

“Right now, I guess I’m just lucky the Chinese are still in the market buying my produce. I’ve got an interest in a few wineries. Not flash ones, ones that make that brain varnish stuff. On top of that, I’ve got a block down on the river at Bre[warrina]. Got a few thousand acres of barley in there,”

“Things are on the up, mate. The season’s been pretty good. There’s heaps of cute feral pigs that run around down there at Bre, too. They absolutely love tucking into my barley, which is fucken so funny,”

“But fuck I hate koalas, those fucking things are doing my arse! Fuck em, good on the Nationals for sticking up for the farmers!”

More to come.

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