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Victoria has today been quietly dropped from all Tourism Australia (TA) publications, as the hipster state struggles with coronavirus.

“Yeah we didn’t want to make a big deal of it,” said TA CEO Greg Holiday.

“There are some other reasons…” he replied. “But this was just the perfect time to slip these changes through.”

TA intern Lily was more open discussing the recent decision.

“Does it really surprise you? No good beaches! What a joke. Even shithouse coastal towns with an ice problem can manage a decent beach. The beers are all weird sizes. Fuck Melbourne.” 

One local named Norman says he supports the decision; “I’ve only ever been as far as Albury mate, and I did not like what I saw from the border. Not one bit.”

Norman shuddered and took a swig from the open Woodstock 12% can in his hand. “Having said that, we will take the AFL grand final in Brisbane, be nice to see the Gabba full for once.”

Visit Victoria has since responded to the TA decision in a formal statement saying “Whatever. We hate you guys already and you dress like trash”, before running into their room to cry on the phone with a girlfriend. 

More to come.


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