ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

For the first time in over a week, South Australia has recorded no new cases of body in barrel.

The news comes as the state’s defacto leader, Steven Marshall, ordered a snap six-day lockdown yesterday that came into effect at midnight after 17 people this week were murdered and crammed into barrels then left to decompose in a disused bank vault.

“Today’s result is vindication,” said Marshall.

“Even one case of body in barrel is too much. We will continue to be vigilant and make sure we get control over this outbreak.”

People across South Australia said that while they thought the snap statewide lockdown was a bit of a kneejerk reaction, they’re just happy cases are ticking down.

“We got pretty complacent,” said one local South Australian.

“For so long, we’re used to being the home of great wine, food, elite pedophile rings, creepy murders and oysters. This most recent outbreak of body in barrel is scary but I’m glad we have no new cases today. Marshall is doing a great job.”

More to come.


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