Soon-To-Be-Wed Couple To Punish Their Half-Funny Friend By Making Him MC The Wedding

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man’s weekend next March is already in ruins and he doesn’t even know it yet.

Late this afternoon, a soon-to-be-wed couple made the decision to invite French Quarter man, Eoin Fowler, to be the Master-of-Ceremonies at their wedding later this year.

The engaged couple, Denise Willmott (Betoota Heights) and Kevin Pichot (Old City District), both ‘love’ the 28-year-old Irish national so much, they decided to destroy any element of fun, relaxation and peace he was planning on having at the wedding.

They’re doing so because they both think Eion’s wicked sense of humour and quick wit will bring life to their love celebration.

The couple spoke to The Advocate a short time ago about their upcoming wedding and their decision to fuck Eion’s weekend up.

“He’s just so warm,” said Denise.

“And he’s got the most charming D4 accent. When he’s sober, at least. After he gets a few chardonnays in him, he slips back to his culchie Cork dialect then someone has to put him to bed!”

Kevin laughed and slapped his Rivers denim-wrapped knee.

“Oh my God!” he gasped.

“That is so funny, babe. No we love Eion! He’s got such a good sense of humour! Like when he first moved to Betoota, we all thought his name was pronounced ‘E-oh-in,’ then we thought it was ‘Coin’ like as in the money,”

“He just laughed and said it was Colin, like the name parents give to their sons who’ll grow up to sell printer ink to pensioners at a criminally-marked-up price down at the local Harvey Norman. We can’t wait for our big day.”

Our reporter caught up with Eoin down at the local labour-hire company in Betoota Heights, where we found him boots up on the desk eating a neenish tart.

When asked if he was looking forward to his friends’ big day, he laughed and said he hadn’t put a lot of thought to it.

“The fook you come all the way down here to talk to me about a fooking wedding in August for?” he said.

Our reporter shrugged.

“Your a fooking odd man, aren’t ye? Anyway, spose it’ll be fun. They’re good people, Denise and Kevin. Absolutely love their ketamine. Absolutely mad for it they are,”

“You could put down a whole cattery with their weekend supply, honest to god. Nah, should be fine. Few cans, couple laughs? Now yea looking for some stop go work, son?”

Our reporter shook his head.

“Right then, fook off would ya?”

More to come.