Following the news of the High Court’s ruling that Barnaby Joyce should have known about, or acted to cancel, his dual New Zealand citizenship means voters will be heading to the ballot to choose between Mr Joyce and rival candidates for the second time in 17 months.

Many political analysts were under the impression that the 102,000 voters in northern NSW would automatically re-elect the recently renounced Kiwi citizen once again, as long-time rival Tony Windsor declares that he will remain retired.

That was until 9:30am AEST this morning, when one of Australia’s most recognisable sportsman put up his hand as an independent candidate in the New England by-election.

Simon ‘The Wizard’ Whitlock is an Australian professional darts player who plays in Professional Darts Corporation tournaments, having also played in the British Darts Organisation between 2004-2009. He uses the nickname ‘The Wizard’ for his matches. His walk-on music is Down Under by Men At Work.

“I’m a Cessnock boy originally” says The Wizard.

“But I spent a fair bit of time in the Celtic belt”

Whitlock says that even though he could probably squeeze another ten years out of his career in dart-throwing, his growing concerns over developing ‘schooner elbow’ are very real – and thinks it might be time to apply his cult like status to politics.

“I know the people up there, they know me. They have supported me for many years in my endeavours as one of the best darts-throwers in the world. Now it’s time for me to support them”

“Vote 1 for the Wizard Whitlock”

It is believed that Barnaby Joyce has been ‘wigging out’ upon hearing the news of a valid candidate.

“ahh FUCK!” he was heard shouting in a Tamworth hotel upon hearing the news this morning.

“Can I just catch one fucking break. First Johnny Depp, then Tony Windsor, then the Kiwi shit”

“Now this. Fuck me”

It is believed that The Wizard will take the next month off the schooners to focus on the campaign.

The briefest possible campaign in New England is just under five weeks, or 33 days to be precise.





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