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Former Wallaby great Quade Cooper has been denied the chance to become an Australian again by the Home Affairs Office because he doesn’t satisfy criteria that says his work “has benefit to Australia”.

That’s despite the Queenslander having 70 Test caps for Australia and an international career that spanned nearly a decade.

“Which isn’t good enough,” said one Home Affairs spokesperson.

“We do not comment on specific cases, however. We encourage Mr Cooper to try again at a later date,”

“But as a New Zealander by birth, it is well within Mr Cooper’s right to sit illegally in our parliament and pass legislation. That would be fine.”

One popular Kiwi who sat in our Parliament for over 12 years as an illegal alien spoke candidly to The Advocate about how he thinks Quade has been hard done by.

“Oh man, don’t get me started on the fucking government. I hate those bastards,” said Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce.

In 2017, Barnaby had a pretty bad year but that’s all in the past now and he’s moved on.

“What does someone have to do to become an Australian? I think playing 70 games of footy for the Wallabies is a good start. If you come down to the Kingo tonight for trivia, I’ll tell you what I really think about it all. Don’t bring that Clancy, though. I’m going to punch his beard off his face next time I see him,”

“As a proud Queenslander myself, I know that Quade has satisfied that component of his application. You guys know that Karen Andrews, the Home Affairs Minister, is also a Queenslander? I thought we were all supposed to stick together.”

The Advocate reached out to Quade for comment but he explained he was busy doing his tax return – in anticipation of paying large amounts of personal income tax to the Australian government.

More to come.


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