ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Five people have died delivering food to fat yuppie cunts too lazy to leave their home in the past two months.
“Which means nothing, really,” says a spokesperson from the Prime Minister’s Office.
“It’s sad, don’t get the Prime Minister wrong. He’s instructed his team to send a message of condolence to the families of the dead food couriers. It’s just that it’s a dangerous job and because of the work conditions, nobody other than the most desperate of people actually do it,”
“Until a happy-go-lucky relatively young bloke who went to ‘one of those schools’ and has really nice parents who’ll cry for the six o’clock news and everything, I can’t see much changing. I think the status quo of having a few deaths a year is going to continue.”
The Prime Minister’s junior media advisor continued on to say something about people not being able to leave their home because they have hayfever or whatever – that these indentured cyclists provide an essential service that’s dangerous and therefore deaths should be expected.
“If Anthony Albanese had his way, these food couriers would have insurance. That means your chicken schnitzel burger, chips and full-strength coke will set you back $50! Can you afford that? Probably – but it’s the principle of it.”
More to come.
