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Dennis Acton was strolling through Machattie Park in leafy Betoota Heights yesterday afternoon to the local Thomas Dux greengrocer on Colston Road when he spied a bloke he was kind of tight with in high school, but have since drifted apart.

“It was the last thing I needed, honestly,” remarked the 29-year-old.

“He’s not a bad bloke, but I was tired and hungover and the thought of having an awkward eleven minute catch up chat was just too much. Maybe next time.”

And with that, the local business owner pulled his late model Apple mobile telephone from his front right pocket and pretended to field an important phone call – all the while avoiding his old mate’s general direction.

Talking to himself until he got to the gorgeous, wanker magnet entrance to his local Thomas Dux, Acton had slight feelings of guilt, but ultimately decided he did the right thing.

“Sometimes you just don’t want to talk to anybody,” he said.

“Yesterday was just one of those days. I had Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water blaring through my headphones and the next person to fuck with me was going to get it.”

More to come.


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