As she snorts and sniffles into a tissue, local woman Lisa Raynor thinks back to simpler times when she could breathe through her nose.

It wasn’t often that she felt sick, but her body had a magical way of accumulating years of smooth sailing by piling on one big sickness – this time, a combination of a respiratory tract infection, a UTI, a tummy bug and a random sore toe.

The only good thing about having her entire body shut down is that Lisa is absolutely loving the sexy sick voice she’s had the past several days, which is the last remaining sign her body has been going through the wars.

Though she was admittedly feeling a lot better, it was also kind of nice to have people so concerned – which may have led to her milking it a bit at work.

Despite having the doctor explicitly warn her to rest her voice, Lisa just can’t help flexing her new sexy voice, which is a combination of Mila Kunis, Emma Stone and Scarlet Johannson. 

So sexy is her sick voice, that Lisa’s confidence is said to have skyrocketed over the past several days, leading to her now believing she’s far more attractive than she really is.

However, deep down, Lisa is aware that her new self-confidence is fleeting and that she better make the most of her raspy alter ego before her normal but uninspiring vocal cords return.

It’s reported that Lisa’s voice returned to normal mere days before the weekend, meaning she  was sadly unable to take her new voice out on the town.

More to come.


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