Shelley Adams (23) is the definition of unlucky in love, not only does she miss important social cues from romantic prospects, but she also can’t get her tone right in text messages.

Right now Shelley’s going through a particularly dry patch, so much so that very little of her digital footprint has been breached by suspected Russian state-sponsored cyber attacks that have affected millions of machines worldwide.

“Like, it’s been so long since I was really dating. The closest thing I got to a date was a meeting up with a guy from uni for a group project and even then he thought I was supposed to be another girl in our tutorial”.

“Even the Russian hackers have stopped sliding into my DMs” she says.

“Oh my God there is such a man-drought in West Betoota”

The United States, Britain and Australia allege Russian Government-backed hackers infected computer routers around the world in a cyber-espionage campaign targeting government agencies, businesses and critical infrastructure operators, the Defence Minister Marise Payne has revealed.

In Australia, hundreds of businesses were affected in 2017, but Cyber Security Minister Angus Taylor said there was no indication that Shelly’s information had been compromised, mainly because she comes on a bit too strong and sends too many emojis in her messages.


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