LOUIS BURKE| Culture | CONTACT
Housemates of Betoota construction worker Shardi Bean (31) have figured that things might not be going too well for their pal as her heavy rotation of Lily Allen suggests her recent break up wasn’t the cleanest.
According to her housemates, Bean left home on Monday night after stating she needed to go see her boyfriend Dale to talk about “all the madness over the weekend.”
Upon returning from the much needed chat, Bean was reported to not say anything to her housemates but audibly stomped up the stairs to her room and began pumping Fuck You by Lily Allen from the album It’s Not Me, It’s You.
“Technically, that’s not actually a break up song,” said Bean’s housemate James, who is pretty close to the last person Bean would ever talk to about a breakup.
“But when we entered the third day of non-stop Lily, we knew that she and Dale had broken up and she’d gotten the truth out of him in the process…”
“God damn it! Dale still had my Decemberists vinyl! And that is more than one actually because the plural of vinyl is vinyl.”
Understanding his moustache twirling and general dickishness would be as useful as nipples on an apple, James outsourced the task of consoling his heart broken housemate to the other women of the household and a couple of bottles of red wine.
“All that did was pour some petrol on the fire. Now there’s three of them upstairs jumping on the bed singing along to Smile on repeat.”
“I don’t even think they’re coming back down, looks like I’ll have to do the dishes even though I did them last week! It’s not fair!”
MORE TO COME.