LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

With more Australian’s working longer hours in a fluorescent corporate hell, managers are increasingly looking for solutions to improve the well-being of their employees in order to make them satisfied about doing more work for less money.

One solution has been proved most effective by Safe Work Australia is to place indoor plants in an office space in order to trick workers into thinking they are in fact, working outdoors.

Local employer, Bernie Chapman (52), says morale in his office has increased dramatically since he ordered his receptionist/girlfriend to buy $500 worth of indoor plants but ‘nothing too girly.’

Now amongst a host of perpetually suffering pot plants, Chapman’s employees have worked much harder and happier despite the fact their boss has continued to be rude and aggressive, with vilification and passive aggressive kitchen signs still a part of everyday life in the office.

“We’re very happy with how things are going in a new-found eco-office! Just like being in a rainforest but without all the bad crap like crocodiles and protesting hippies.”

Employees of Chapman are satisfied with their dramatic office shakeup, no longer requiring to step outside the office to cry as they now believe they are already outside.

“The other day I was going to go on a smoke break and I accidentally just lit up at my desk because I thought I was already outside! Haha, HR is going to tear me to ribbons for that. At least they’ve got a Peace Lily in the reprimand room.”

It has long been known indoor plants increase productivity as they create oxygen, a resource extremely valuable in an environment where it becomes increasingly harder to breathe as you give another day of your life to the man.

Another proven benefit of indoor plants is the sense of meaning it gives to the Office Receptionist who now gets to add ‘Water Plants’ to her list of things she already doesn’t get paid to do.

“It’s very important to keep those hydrated because if they die everyone is going to fall to shit. That or I just trade them with plastic plants and hope everyone is too dead inside to notice.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here