As the gold standard state continues to record high infection numbers, NSW Premier Gladys Berijiklian continues to insist that all final year high school students proceed with in-person exams and learning for their year 12 HSC.

Although year 12 students are often reminded by teachers and parents that the HSC ‘is not the be all and end all’ many students are finding that hard to believe as their states’ premier continues to insist they must all be jabbed up as to complete their Higher School Certificate in person. 

NSW residents and journalists alike seemed to be altogether baffled by the premiers’ decision to prioritise jabs to year 12 students over citizens in regional NSW who are now reporting cases of the spicy cough, until it became clear premier Berijiklian might have ulterior motives.

During her daily 11am presser of pain, premier Berijiklian let slip that the whole reason she was choosing to focus on students sitting for their HSC was so she could bring up her own HSC results from over 30 years ago. 

“It is important for students to sit these exams in school. If I hadn’t, perhaps I wouldn’t have got my 98.1 ATAR result,” the premier said, working her HSC result into her daily death and community infection announcement. 

“Of course it was called a Tertiary Education Rank and it was out of 500 but I have updated it for a modern audience.”

Despite it being well acknowledged that people who talk about their high school marks until adulthood are deadset losers, and that the HSC is a cruel exercise of pain, the premier wants to assure year 12s and their families that they will have just the same opportunity previous generations have had to brag about how they peaked in high school too. 

“Gosh, the Coke Zero was good back then.”


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