ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Darwin’s lockdown has been extended until Friday and one local man is now fearing the eight cartons of West Australian craft beer might not get him through.

Dwayne Spears told our reporter via telephone this afternoon that there was no Betoota Long Haul Midstrength left, there wasn’t even any Betoota heavy. There wasn’t even a stubby of Great Northern left on the shelf. To his shock, the 38-year-old air traffic controller said there wasn’t even a can of Gold.

“They really cleaned the Thirsty Camel out. Put the thirst in that humpy horse, they did,” explained Dwayne.

“All that was left was this Emu Export. It’s a craft style beer from Perth, they reckon. Big in the Kimberley. Anyway, I got 8 cubes of the shit to get me through the 48 hour lockdown but now it’s going to Friday, I reckon I’ve done my arse here,”

“I’m going to have to ration it out, like it’s war time. What next? The Japanese will be back bombing this place at this rate. Surely Gunner will let us out to get cold tins. Who knows. I’ll be mixing the left over varnish I have in the garage with OJ by Wednesday, I reckon. Gunner will let us out, I don’t know why I’m pannicking.”

More to come.


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