19 April, 2016. 15:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

BEACH HOUSES AND HOBBY FARMS will be cheaper to attain and maintain under a Coalition government, a series of budget leaks has revealed.

The breakthrough comes after huge concessions were made to high-income earners and big business, forcing nearly all Australians out of the highly competitive holiday home market.

It’s good news for the economy, says Treasuer Scott Morrison, who said the rest of us can expect the wealth to trickle down in the coming years.

“Think of the country like a Ford Falcon. You’ve got the big end of town up the front, dragging us all forward, then you’ve got the middle and low-income earners who provide the chassis,” he said.

“We need each other to prosper – and this budget reflects the future of Australia.”

When asked for comment this afternoon over the controversial leaks, opposition leader Bill Shorten said he wasn’t ready yet and to come back tomorrow after he’s got something on paper.

For generations, everyday Australians have enjoyed their fair share of access to the holiday home market, with many people from all walks of life enjoying leisure time on their own property.

However, with these new details leaked from the Treasury, it seems those days may be over.

Rupert Grimple’s father drove a tram quite negligently in Melbourne for many years, before retiring to begin a career as a largely unsuccessful slam poet and beat author.

Despite being a member of the bottom drawer of society and a communist, when Grimple Snr died in 2008, he left a beach house in north Sydney and a hobby farm in the NSW Central Tablelands. Something that boggles the mind of his equally as destitute son.

“I mean, it’s fucked,” said Rupert Jnr.

“This budget is wholly to blame for me not being able to access and enjoy the quality of life I think I deserve,”

“I’m worked hard putting the soles on ugg boots for my whole life and I want a fucking beach house.”




  1. The Falcon has been down on torque since the mining boom ended. The before and after dyno graphs show this. And there is piss trickling down my pocket.


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