ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The British Prime Minister has had his plan to suspend parliament approved by HM The Queen this week in what some political and media commentators have described as a “constitutional outrage”.

While British democracy blazes with the helpless intensity of uninsured tractor in a burning in a half-stripped paddock, Boris Johnson’s attention turned to the next Ashes Test at Old Trafford.

Seeing as though he’d just asked Australia’s last monarch to effectively shut down any chance of avoiding a no-deal Brexit, Mr Johnson thought it’d be easy to get the Queen to use her powers to put him in the England squad for the next Test.

“It has always been a dream of mine to win the Ashes,” said Johnson.

Speaking to the media this morning outside 10 Downing Street, old spag bol head Johnson said he put his case forward to HM The Queen.

“Jason Roy is in poor form, I could perhaps open or come in at first drop. I asked HM The Queen if she had to power to put me into the squad and she said she wasn’t sure,”

“According to the constitution, the Monarch does have the power but I’m not going to hold my breath. Could you imagine the furore? The PC police would crucify me,”

“Oh well. Perhaps I’ll ask if she can slot me into the rugby team for the World Cup?”

More to come.


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