ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The residents of Lower Holland Street in Betoota Hills were woken this morning by a very loud and public F-bomb as one sharehouse patriarch realised the bins didn’t go out – again.

Damien Crozier, a French Quarter bartender, was said to be livid with his two other housemates, Julia Cartwright and Molly Sharbel, after he trusted one of them to make sure the bins went out as he was going to be working all night.

When he got home early this morning, he saw a ream of empty discarded bins down his street with his two still sitting proudly up the side of the house.

For the second week in a row.

“I got home around 7am after a pretty long night having Amex cards thrown at me by bankers,” said Crozier.

“Every part of me was sticky and all I wanted to do was rip a two quick billies, get in the shower, have two slices of cold pizza then go to sleep,”

“But all I could do was get out of the Falcon, slam the door shut and shout ‘Fuck!’ as loud as my little lungs would let me. Honestly, why me? We had three kilos of stolen prawns for dinner on Thursday night and the pong coming from the bins is in violation of the Geneva Convention! Fuck!”

Aside for the four young families that live directly next to the prominent, infamous sharehouse, Julia and Molly were also woken up by Damien’s screams.

“I thought he stepped on the sprinkler or something,” said Molly.

“Then I realised it was bin day and Julia came home with a fair steam on her. I kinda just hoped she put the bins out. I was already in bed when she got home, it’s not my fault.”

However, Julia seems to think she’s blameless.

“How was I supposed to remember after being at the yacht club all afternoon, I don’t even remember how I got home? If anyone is to blame, it’s Damien. He should’ve put the bins out before he went to work. Fucking chinstrap fuckhead,”

“He’s trying to blame us both for this when I think he’s only trying to make up for his own mistakes! Fuck it, I’m moving out!”

More to come.


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