ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The one thing that binds our noble neck-less savages with the nation’s computer freaks is their shared love of cryptocurrency. One love built upon the desire to be decentralised and the other being rooted in a passion for taking risks and punting the fuck out of a month’s pay on something that could be worth a year’s pay next week or barely enough to cover the rent.

Last night, despite heavy losses during the day yesterday, things got much worse.

“I’m down half my net worth,” said one Betoota Dolphins stalwart who asked to remain anonymous, fearing retribution from his wife.

“Two weeks ago, I had enough to buy anything I wanted in town. Now, not so much. I’ve gone from a house on Rue de Putain to a brand new jetski with all the trimmings,”

“But I’m not selling. I’m holding. In fact, I’m going to get a personal loan to put more in. This is the dip, lads. You buy here.”

Furthermore, a senior network engineer at the South Betoota Polytechnic College has said life has lost its colour now that he’s down so much value.

He explained to this masthead that he’s still up to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars, he’s just upset he didn’t sell when the market was at its absolute peak.

“I feel like an idiot,” said Kevin-Peter Royds.

“Oh man. I was at the point where if I sold everything into my HSBC account in Hong Kong then transferred it over to me through a complex system of invoicing and whatnot so I didn’t have to pay any tax on it, I would’ve had enough to buy a Lambo. Like the meme suggests. I can’t drive a manual so it would’ve just been a street ornament for me, maybe my Dad could teach me how to drive it one day. It would’ve been sick,”

“Oh well, back to the grindstone.”

More to come.


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