20 August, 2016. 12:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

MICHAEL CHEIKA HAS URGED HIS men to fight like they’re the third chimp on the ramp to Noah’s Ark tonight as the look to start their Bledisloe campaign on the right foot.

But for one Sydney private schoolboy, he started his big day of sinking cold tins and spinning yarns with the lads with a soulful breakfast of back pats, breastmilk and a few choice words of encouragement from Mum.

Wanda White-Jacobsen slinked silently into her 27-year-old son’s room to retrieve his rum-soaked Wallabies jersey to wash and iron it ahead of his big night tonight.

Son Kenneth woke today at noon to find his outfit already laid out for him at the foot of his Bellevue Hill double bed – his vintage 1999 World Cup Wallabies jersey as clean as the day he bought it off eBay in 2014.

“Game day! Game day! Get around me, boys!” said the real estate agent via Skype this morning.

“There’s nothing like a Bledisloe match in Syders. The atmosphere is e-lec-tric. Such a pity it’s out in Homebush. Finding an Uber after the game is a nightmare,”

“Hope the boys can string together a win tonight. If we lose tonight, I’m just going to fucking scream. There’s nothing worse than being a loser in Western Sydney.” he said.

However, Wanda made it clear to The Advocate this morning that she doesn’t actually physically breastfeed her private schoolboy son, she merely pumps the milk and keeps it in the fridge for him to use as he pleases.

“He enjoys it as a healthier alternative to pasteurised dairy products like cow’s milk,” she said.

“Whether it’s on his cereal or frothed up in his morning piccolo, I’m just glad he’s still getting the necessary antibodies that every growing boy needs,”

“And when he’s going out on the tiles to perhaps have a few drinks with his friends with a jumper draped over his shoulders, I’m glad he’s had a hearty breakfast so he doesn’t end up getting legless and prematurely ejaculating in a stranger like his father used to.” she said.

Australia and New Zealand renew their fierce Trans-Tasman rivalry when they play the first game of theBledisloe Cup and Rugby Championship at ANZ Stadium in Sydney on TONIGHT August 20 at 8:05pm (AEST).

Wallabies: Israel Folau, Adam Ashley-Cooper, Tevita Kuridrani, Matt Giteau, Dane Haylett-Petty, Bernard Foley, Will Genia, David Pocock, Michael Hooper, Ben McCalman, Rob Simmons, Kane Douglas, Sekope Kepu, Stephen Moore (capt), Scott Sio. Res: Tatafu Polota-Nau, James Slipper, Allan Alaalatoa, Dean Mumm, Scott Fardy, Nick Phipps, Matt Toomua, Rob Horne.


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