Man asks God to kill him as Kiwi colleague’s All Blacks brag enters third minute

22 August, 2016. 10:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

DESPITE LEAVING NEW ZEALAND AT age 10, Dennis Copeland’s love for the All Blacks has never died.

Most of his colleagues at the small East Brisbane boutique accounting firm where he works simply tolerate him. When he became a vegan for ethical reasons two years ago, his boss tried to fire him.

Every August, things often take a turn for the worse. While he spends most of the year telling people he’s an ethical vegan, when Test rugby begins, the topic of his watercooler conversations shift from battery hens and slaughterhouses to the All Blacks and their next-level dominance over the rest of the planet.

But for one tax agent who unfortunately works just metres from the 27-year-old Kiwi, he spent this morning hoping that Jesus would take him from this cruel Earth today as he knew what he was in for.

“Riding the train to work this morning, I closed my eyes and said a short prayer,” said Glenn Rust.

“I prayed to God that he’d derail the train and I’d be crushed to death. I bet Jesus gets lots of prayers from people riding public transport in Brisbane asking Him to kill them. If you ride the train in Brisbane, you’re not winning at life and God should just put you out of your misery,”

“When I finally got to work, Dennis gave me a big smile and came over to pat me on the back. It took everything in me not to punch him in the throat. The boss loves me, I wouldn’t have even been written up for it.”