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Innocent bystanders were left in a state of shock today after witnessing a goofy migaloo mangling a pretty standard handshake with a black mate.
It is believed that Gareth Evans (27) was out treating himself to an early lunch of some super spicy chicken pad thai when he run into an acquaintance of a darker complexion. What happened next sent chills down the spine of everyone within the vicinity.
The black man in question, Jackson Peters (31), says while he’s experienced some pretty shocking examples whiteness before – nothing could have prepared him for how awkward his handshake with Gareth was today.
“Hey J-Daddy!” chirped Gareth.
“How you been my brother from another mother?”
Jackson, who was having a coffee with some work colleagues at the time, reluctantly met Gareth’s enthusiasm.
“Hey Gareth! Not too bad, mate. How are you?” he said.
As Gareth outstretched his open palm for a handshake, no one was more nervous than he was about what was going to happen next.
Like most dorky palagis, Gareth is under the impression that black people are keen to engage in a more intimidate style of greeting, like he sees in American TV shows like Empire and Power.
While he prepares himself for the possibility of a brotherly grip-lock with the option to bring-it-in, he also is wary that Jackson might just want to shake hands like people who don’t know each other that well shake hands.
As expected, he fucks it up.
By somehow getting both his thumb and index wrapped around Jackson’s entire five fingers, he awkwardly chuckles and tries to save face by shaking his arm and saying things like ‘oooh’ and ‘what’re we doing here haha’.
As the conversation between the two limps on, Gareth begins to blush a bright shade of crimson.
Jackson spoke to The Betoota Advocate about the exchange.
“It’s alright. I just think that he needs to relax a little”
“I don’t know why he puts so much pressure on himself. It’s just a simple greeting. We don’t even need to shake hands. We don’t know each other that well”
At time of press Jackson was seen exhaling heavily while ordering an extra large cappuccino with two sugars to take back back to the office.