ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

When Matthew Greenholm was 12 years old, he told his parents he wanted to be a pilot.

But as Powderfinger so eloquently sang on arguably their greatest single: “These days turned out nothing like I’d planned.”

The Gemini is now a 29-year-old leasing agent at LJ Hooker South Betoota, who despite his outward assurances, doesn’t seem to like his job.

“I think that’s fairly evident in my new headshot,” he said.

“One huge downside about real estate is that you need to have your face on everything. Everything from the internet to the bits of junk mail you find plastered to your garage floor after a rainstorm. Anyway,”

“You can tell by the look in my eyes that I hate real estate. I hate people who own real estate and I hate people interested in real estate. You are all cunts. Even the ones who vote Green.”

Matthew’s boss, Colin Hooker, laughed to himself loudly in his hard-earned corner cubical while our reporter asked him for comment on his young leasing agents new headshot.

He agreed that he looked about as enthused for real estate as a 27-year-old bar manager with a cocaine addiction does.

“Yeah, he hates his fucking job. It’s written all over his face,” said Colin.

“But everyone hates their job. People who say they love their jobs are liars – and there’s no room for liars in the real estate game. Those headshots, though, Christ on a fucking pushbike,”

“He’s already got four new leads off the back of them so I guess the general mood in the aspirational suburbs of Betoota Heights is one of lethargic apathy and general hopelessness – which is great for the rental market.”

More to come.




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