6 April, 2017. 11:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Thinking that he’d had enough to toil with since his last holiday over Christmas, Jennean Pallister though her husband Michael would enjoy a short 8-day retreat to Melbourne.

However, Mrs Pallister was wrong.

While Micheal is the devoted South Park fan in all of Lightning Ridge, he told The Advocate this afternoon that he’d like to see The Book of Mormon at some point – but he’d draw the line at travelling to Melbourne.

“Yeah look, when Jen said she’d booked us to go to Melbourne, I was a bit apprehensive,” he said.

“I’d never been there before and I didn’t really have any desire to go, you know? Not my place, Melbourne. Anyway, we’ve had about 550 points this year, bit below average but the place’ll take about a week or two the dry out after this last lot, so I thought ‘fuck it,’ might as well go before I end up in the ground.”

And go he did.

Making the short drive from the Ridge to Brisbane, the 59-year-old and his ageless partner flew down to the Yarra capital in the front of a Qantas Boeing, enjoying an executive smorgasbord of tired cheeses and sparkling white.

Arriving in Melbourne on Monday, the pair took in some of the sights Melbourne has to offer.

“You should’ve seen the cunts down there,” said Michael.

“The first morning, we had some gender-bender bloke covered in jewellery and facial piercings make us coffee. Charged us $9 for two long blacks, I mean come the fuck on, Bridget. I know I’m old and dumb, but fuck-me-roan. The Book or Morman, was an absolute pissa, though Bruce.”

“I could’ve waited until it got to Brisbane, but. These Victorians have some odd accent that makes it difficult to understand at times. Also, be sure to put some coins on the tram tracks and squash them. They’re my favourite souvenirs from my time in Victoria. Never again, but.”

More to come.


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