ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local suitcuck at Lemonger DOBB’s Betoota office has lashed out at claims made by some of his friends that he honestly ‘doesn’t contribute much’ in the way of revenue and that his position ‘very dispensable’ within the company.

Brett Nicols, a media graduate completely devoid of personality and ambition, was offered the position of account coordinator at Lemonger Betoota after completing a two-week internship at their Melbourne office.

“It was a requirement to complete an internship for us to graduate,” said the 23-year-old chino enthusiast.

“After working diligently for a year, I was promoted to account manager, where I continue to grow, learn and prosper. There’s great room for career growth here at Lemonger and I’m looking forward to many happy years here. I have a great work/life balance,”

“But it’s offensive to me that my friends who work in other industries make fun of me and my job. They say that they could teach a chimp with a near-drowning experience under its belt to do my job. They say I’m completely disposable to Lemonger – that every account manager is dispensable. How rude.” he said.

The Advocate reached out the Lemonger Betoota’s CEO for comment – and promptly received one but it wasn’t the one our reporters were after.

Mark Douglas, an ‘industry-veteran’ who’s often the first to lead the charge to the work drinks slash barbeque on a Friday afternoon, confirmed to The Advocate that every single person working in any advertising agency in the world is disposable, except for the upper management.

“I have sacked people for less,” said Douglas.

“Either you get on with everyone or your [sic] gone. Account managers are like blades of grass on the footy field of business. I can and will step and stomp all over you to get what I want,”

“Fuck it, I’ll sack the cunt now. He’ll be a MS Karachi Quilpie by Monday morning.”

More to come.


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