A Betoota Ponds Fitness First is in some serious trouble today after it was discovered that none of the TV’s were playing shitty RnB music videos.

It’s alleged that the head franchise manager, Alison Lemon, was undertaking her usual monthly inspections of the Queensland franchises when she caught wind of a franchise owner breaking the rules.

Having just dealt with a franchise owner who’d violated the social media guidelines by posting one too many minion memes, Alison had been on her last wick when she’d discovered the Ponds franchise breaking the number one cardinal rule of Fitness First – outdated music must be playing at all times.

So severe is this flagrant violation that the Ponds franchise owner, Mr Ryan Steele, has been bumped up to strike two and notified that he must immediately put on Pink’s ‘Missundaztood’ album or lose the gym completely.

Our reporter speaks to Ms Lemon about the matter, who was found angrily scribbling in her notepad outside the gym’s entrance.

“It’s very disappointing, I expect more from our franchisees’, says Lemon, “our handbook clearly states that music from 1995 – 2006 should be playing at all times, and nothing else.”

‘He had the audacity to play recent music. Who wants Megan The Stallion or Doja Cat when you can have Crazy Town? And R. Kelly?

“Not their biggest hits, mind you.”

“Just the slightly obscure stuff no one remembers.”

More to come.


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