Bill Gates, or ‘Gatesy’ as he is known by his new mates down at the TAB, has admitted today that rejecting Clippy’s relationship advice was a mistake. 

Clippy, the default Office Assistant, was introduced to widespread disdain in Office 97, annoyed users for a decade and was eventually humanely euthanised during the development of Office 2007. 

“He was just trying to help, that’s all he wanted to do” said an emotional and clearly tipsy Gatesy, already on his second CC and Dry.

“He was like, ‘It looks like you and your wife are drifting apart. Have you asked her how her day was?’ or ‘It looks like you won’t be able to make it home in time for dinner again. Would you like to order some chocolates shaped like seashells?’  Maybe if I actually listened to him instead of quietly locking him in the basement I’d be in a different place right now”.  

However, Gatesy’s mates are less sympathetic.

“Forget her mate, you’re better off without her. And him; nosey little shit” said new mate Thommo, a semi-retired greyhound trainer.

“Yeah, fuck him” enthused bar regular Davo.

“It looks like you’re writing a letter, would you like some help? Fuck off, you annoying prick, I’m writing myself a character reference and the last thing I need is someone asking lots of questions, like why I need a character reference”.   

At time of printing it is understood that both parents are locked in a custody battle over Clippy, with each insisting the other should be the primary caregiver.  


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here