30 September, 2016. 15:10


Former Liberal MP and Tarocash enthusiast, Wyatt Roy has today been berated by his former colleagues for deciding to travel to Iraq, as he adjusts to life outside the public eye.

Mr Roy, whom Prime Minister Turnbull had appointed as an assistant minister before he lost his Queensland seat at the July 2 election, said he was caught in a firefight ­between Islamic State and Kurdish Peshmerga forces in an un­official trip to “see a mate” and “get a feel for the environment”.

Five Islamic State fighters were reportedly killed in the battle, west of Mosul, by Coalition airstrikes.

Malcolm Turnbull has condemned Wyatt Roy’s decision to travel to the high-risk frontline in Iraq as “very stupid” and “very foolish”, saying the former MP was “lucky to emerge unscathed” from the war zone.

Christopher Pyne, a mentor to Roy, has also spoken out.

“Wyatt Roy is missing a few roos in the top paddock he said,”

“He’s a fucking moron,”

Foreign Minister Julie Bishop wasn’t too kind either.

“That stupid cunt has rocks in his head,” she spat at reporters this morning.

“Why the fuck would you go there?”

However, Wyatt Roy has today justified his bizarre trip to a war torn country that has been a no-go zone for Australians since the early 1980s.

“Mate, its not that bad,” he said to Betoota Advocate reporters this morning.

“Sure there’s a few guns going off every now and then – but you’ve got to remember that I’m used to this,”

As the former Minister for Longman, north of Brisbane, in Queensland’s methamphetamine coast – Wyatt Roy says he used to incessant gun attacks and a complete sense of martial law.

“I felt safer in Iraq than I do back home in Caboolture,” he said.

“I can’t hang around at home too much nowadays. Everyone calls me a flash cunt and tries to rob me because they’ve seen me on television,”

“At least in Iraq I look like just another infidel. In Caboolture I’m a target,”

“These lads just want to knock me out and buy a carton of Jim Beam eggs. Iraq is nowhere near as volatile as the Red Rooster car park in the ‘Boo.”

Longman’s boundaries include Beachmere, Bribie Island, Burpengary, Dakabin, Donnybrook, Kallangur, Ningi, Toorbul,Caboolture, Morayfield, Wamuran, Woodford and Narangba – all iconic crystal meth manufacturing hubs.

In July this year it was revealed that, upon losing his seat in Federal Parliament,  the born and bred Caboolture boy had returned to his previous post, drinking longnecks [tallies] of XXXX Bitter out front of the local train station.


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