Former attorney-general Christian Porter has today claimed victory over Australia’s largest gambling company, Tabcorp Holdings.

After withdrawing $1000 from his vast fortune that he has amassed in a lifetime of being paid exorbitant salaries by the tax-payer, the embattled Member For Pearce decided to bet on rugby league football – a sport he knows nothing about as an elitist legal eagle from Western Australia.

After loading up on the Newcastle Knights to win by 13 or more points against the Parramatta Eels yesterday afternoon, Paid Leave Porter forced Australia’s market leader in sports betting and wagering into a ‘humiliating back down.’

The Former Attorney General has today confirmed he cashed a huge win last night, after turning that 1000 bucks into a handy lobster, as the Parramatta Eels went on to demolish the Knights 40-4

“Cashed out my g on the Knights 13+ for 10 bucks” explained Porter after the $990 loss.

“Obviously I stood to make a stack of cash, but when the Eels went 28-0 up against the Knights – I decided to take my winnings and opt out of my bet and get 10 dollars back”

“28 is an omen for me. That’s how many pages in that redacted legal defence I didn’t want the public to read”

Porter remains committed to the narrative that his his decision to cash out with 20 bucks makes him the winner, and that. His claims have been supported by Sky News and other journalists that want him to eventually be Prime Minister.

Australia’s highest-paid stay-at-home public servant says that his supreme punting resulted in him defeating the TAB yesterday – “no matter what way they want to spin it”.

Mr Porter has also said that his ability to predict the final result of last night’s match has only reaffirmed his decision to not stand down as the local member for Pearce, and that someone who is able to be such a natural winner in both NRL gambling and the Federal Courts will also be a winner at next year’s election.

“I don’t want to do anything that disrupts the service of this government to the Australian people during what has been an unprecedented and challenging year for the Knights” he said.

“I remain completely committed to the people of my electorate and absolutely will be running at the next election.”

This bizarre claim of professional gambling prowess comes a week after Porter dropped his defamation case against the ABC, because he’s innocent of any crimes – so innocent that he doesn’t want anyone snooping around in his innocentness – while also insisting he won.



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