Being the only bloke in town who cares about carbon emissions and the plight of refugees can be a lonely existence for an Outback small-business owner like Dale Hinze.

As the last man standing from a rural dynasty of Labor voters that dates back to the Queensland Shearer’s Union, the 68-year-old bootmaker was forced to make a vow as young man that he would never vote for any of these tory villians that tried to replace his ancestors with those underpaid Kiwis and their wider combs.

Mr Hinze says it hasn’t been easy to maintain his progressive values in a town made up of people who are programmed to assume Indian cab drivers are Islamic terrorists.

“I don’t know how I did it” he says.

“I didn’t even vote for Turnbull. To this day I’m still out there waving placards for whatever idiot decides to run for Labor in the bush”

Hinze believes that by only ingesting news through a critical lens, he has been able to see the merit in not voting for someone who believes the world is only 4000 years old, and that women should only ever be allowed to leave the house to buy baby formula when their breasts run dry.

“I guess I just avoided being indoctrinated by John Howard. It wasn’t that hard with a steady diet of ABC news and Bob Dylan”

“Not to mention those two little crops I’ve got behind the chook shed”

As the widowed father of three now-coastal daughters, Dale has often thought about packing it in and moving to Eumundi to spend the rest of his days listening to live music and drinking dark ale. But he’s not ready yet.

With a successful business and plenty of fire in the belly, the old man is going to wait until his arthritis finally claims victory before he sells up.

Until then, he’s just gonna keep waving the flag of workers rights and social justice as the only lonely leftie remaining in this two-horse town – tirelessly condemning our government’s horrible treatment of this Biloela family during robust arguments down at the Men’s Shed.

Today, however, the old fella has been able to remember what he’s doing it for.

After a lifetime of being berated by his mates at the bowls club and emailing death threats to Andrew Bolt, this silver-comrade was lucky enough to meet one the people he’s spent his life advocating on behalf of.

At 1:21PM this afternoon an oppressed minority walked into his shop. A real life homosexual.

“It’s a bloody honour to meet you” Dale told the young tourist, who was trying to find someone who could re-heel his RMs before a family wedding tomorrow night.

“I just want you to know, that you are bloody welcome to be here, in my town”

When the customer responded with a guarded thank you, Dale made sure to fully communicate just how much he didn’t care about who this bloke wants to root.

“I couldn’t give a fuck mate. Not my business” he says.

“But your right to be you, well… that is my business”

“So I’m bloody glad we got it over the line in 2017 for you lot. “

“I was voting yes with bells on”

In a heart-warming turn of events, Dale now has a pen pal from Darlinghurst.


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