As Australia comes to terms with the very real possibility that our government is running a protection racket for a political class of entitled rapists, the internet has been transformed into a hotbed of contrarian talking points.

With the back drop of the Parliament House rape crisis, the horrible news stories coming out of London over the weekend, and last week’s International Womens Day – Australia’s most vocal involuntarily celibates are rallying to shout down the statistics currently being shared about gendered violence and sexual assault.

According to new data from a U.N. Women study, 97 percent of women aged 18 to 24 have experienced sexual harassment in public spaces, and more than 70 percent of women of all ages have endured such behaviour.

One defiant free-thinker who lives with his mother in Betoota’s Old City District is Aldous Quilton (27) reckons these numbers have been warped with the intention of painting all men with the same brush.

Aldous, a part time sound technician at Lady Flo Theatre in Betoota’s French Quarter, says red-blooded alphas like him are under attack from a PC culture hellbent on emasculating white heterosexual men, as part of some sort of conspiracy to elevate women and gays.

“I’d like to know what constitutes as sexual harassment these days” smirks Aldous, with a creepy grin that even made this 60-year-old male reporter feel wildly uncomfortable.

“You can get in trouble for winking at a woman haha”

Aldous, whose own tortured mother has cut all contact with him outside of the reheated lasagne she leaves outside his bedroom door twice a day, says even if these statistics are true… Not all men are responsible for these 97% of assaults.

Like some sort of Roman conquerer who definitely didn’t get bashed daily at the Betoota Heights busway after school, Aldous says “theres always going to be villians and victims”

“And personally I find a lot of women want to be victims” he scowls while wiping his chin and showcasing just why he’s never met a woman he didn’t make feel uncomfortable.



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