In a win for residents of the new Betoota Creek subdivision, the most useless 5% of the site has been converted from a mangrove swamp into “wetlands”.

The new “Biodiversity Offset Wetlands” features an extended family of Native Bin Chickens, 4 stylish hardwood benches, and a shitload of asbestos buried under the carpark, allegedly.  

“It’s a great feeling giving back to the community from which I have taken so much” said semi-legitimate developer Alphonse Magnetti at the inauguration in which he declared the wetlands open by pushing a stolen car into the water.

“By adding these 4 benches the stinky swamp has been transformed into a serene wetland oasis which will be available for all residents to sit and wonder what else has changed, apart from the benches.”

“In fact, the benches are the only change, as I strongly believe ecologically important land that is too unstable to build duplexes on should remain untouched and preserved for future generations.”

“Unlike the other 95% of the site, which the geotechnical engineer said was suitable for medium density residential development. Anyway, enjoy your benches!”

 “I love it” said new resident Brianna Hershey, 23. “I hated living near a swamp but living near a wetlands is so calming. Plus there’s benches if you want to sit down”.  


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