Heart beating out of chest, tingling over taking body, head spinning out of control – right about now Pippa Smith is thinking that the large long black she ordered was the worst thing imaginable for her post weekend anxiety.

“fuuuuccckkk” she thought to herself as she strapped into the anxiety express.

“I’m so scat today, coffee was definitely a bad choice”.

At this point Pippa went back upstairs to her office, where it’s believed she directed her soulless eyes at her computer screen, unable to concentrate on one thing for more than 5 seconds.

Colleagues that sit near Pippa told the Advocate that she was behaving very sketchily, twitching and tapping her pen on the desk repeatedly.

Following reports of this scat behaviour, our reporter reached out to Pippa to see what kind of state she was actually in and why she chose this masochistic path for herself on today of all days.

“Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking…”

“I knew it would fuck me up, but I had it anyway, I think I’m addicted to it”

“Well, maybe not because I reckon I could give it up if I wanted to, I just like the taste” said Pippa, like a true addict.

“But yeah, I was already feeling anxious AF because I got hammered on the weekend and bit someone.”

“The long black just exacerbated everything, I’m thinking about shit that I did 3 years ago – I definitely won’t make this mistake again.”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here