The situation in Brisbane City has gone from bad to worse this afternoon, after the three-day snap lockdown has been compounded by a river paddlesteamer running aground in a narrow bend of the Brown Snake.

The Queensland Capital’s economy is now at an absolute standstill, as residents are ordered to stay home to avoid the spread of this dastardly virus, while all of the state’s exports are also left stationary by this blockage in the Brisbane River.

This maritime nightmare has left Brisbane rattled, after it was revealed that the vessel at the centre of the river blockage was the city’s iconic Kookaburra Queen.

The beautiful timber river cruise is blocking transit in both directions through one of the world’s busiest shipping channels for beef, coal, grain, midstrength beer and other trade – linking Australia to the Asia Pacific.

The BROWN SNAKE RIVER AUTHORITY (BSRA) said eight tugs were working to move the vessel, which got stuck diagonally across the single-lane southern stretch of the snake on Tuesday morning (local time) amid high winds and a dust storm.

A total of 206 large container ships have backed up at either end of the river, with roughly 30 per cent of the world’s shipping container volume transits through the mighty Brown Snake daily.

Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk hosted a socially distant press conference moments ago, where she assured all Queenslanders that she working around the clock to free the floating Brisbane landmark.

“We are currently exploring the idea of strapping the stern of the Queen to a fleet of eight CityCats to give it a real tug” he said.

“We are hoping that will be the nudge it needs”

“Outside of that, we’ve got a couple chippys from Hutchies down there with some tape measure, seeing if they can’t lop off a bit of the bow”

However, the Premier said it was very important that residents just focus on their own health at this moment and avoid any sightseeing”

“But please, and I cannot stress this enough. Please do not leave your homes to witness this feat of disaster management.”

“I’ve ordered Channel 9 and Seven to send some film crews down from Mount Coot-tha to livestream our crews dislodging the Kookaburra Queen.”

“Please stay home and work on your lawns. Only a couple more days to go”

“Could really use a few vaccines right now, Scotty”


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