19 February, 2016. 11:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
FIRST IT WAS THE Titanic II. Then it was Jurassic Park II.
If you thought half billionaire Clive Palmer was done enriching the globe with his bold, brave and heroic feats of engineering and nostalgia, then you’re wrong.
A Broadway adaption of the 1995 runaway summer movie success, Billy Madison, is apparently in the pipeline – with major investment coming from Palmer’s Mineralogy iron ore company.
Officials from Adam Sandler’s production company, Happy Madison, have yet to confirm the deal.
However, this small issue is unlikely to stop Palmer, who says he’s going to do it anyway.
“I’m starting to look beyond politics at the moment,” said Palmer. “What’s next for me is anyone’s bet. But if I were a betting man, I’d put it all on me becoming an entertainment man, just like my mate Jim Packer.”
Details of the show have already been leaked by somebody close to Palmer, with A-list Hollywood names already competing for roles, should the production go ahead.
Unofficially, actor and keeper of the finest genetic code in all of Queensland, Lincoln Lewis has thrown his hat in the ring for the lead role of Billy.
Officially, Palmer himself has made it clear that he wants to play Principal Max Anderson, who famously escaped a manslaughter charge after suffocating somebody between his thighs.
“I cannot confirm nor deny that Lincoln has signed on,” said Palmer. “While he’s more than just a vehicle for His Majesty King Walter I’s DNA, he also sings like an angel – something the original Billy could do,”
“Lincoln also gave me the idea to say ‘Stop looking at me, Swan!’ to Wayne Swan whenever I saw him in parliament.”
Julia Lewis has allegedly been slapped with an AVO after incessantly badgering Palmer outside his Broadbeach Waters home for the role of Miss Lippy, Billy’s year one teacher.
The rumour mill has gone into overdrive as to who will play the role of deranged bullying victim, Danny McGrath. In the original film, Steve Buscemi creeped out millions of people in over 200 countries when he applied lipstick, slumped back into the couch and stared at the ceiling.
One man tipped to take that role and run with it is Nick Cave, who agrees that he’s got the necessary mystique to pull it off.
“I regularly listen to ELO with lipstick on. That’s what I do on Tuesday nights,” said Cave.
“Why not. I mean, you only live once, so why not do an Adam Sandler?”
Should prediction come to fruition, the stage production of Billy Madison should have it’s opening night early next year.