IT’S TIME TO TAKE IT BACK: Prime Minister Morrison has today unveiled a $1.2 billion tourism package as part of its bid to drive economic recovery in the pandemic-hit industries of aviation and tourism.

However, in true sports rorts fashion, it’s only really the marginal seats that look to be getting a piece of the tourism stimulation pie. Places like rural Tasmania, the Sunshine Coast and the WA wine regions,

Australian travellers are being offered 800,000 half-price airfares to these 13 tourism-reliant regions, subsidised by the government as part of the package announced last night.

The thousands of Australian coastal tourism towns that aren’t serviced by airports are now sitting in fear for the day the JobKeeper stimulus is scraped at the end of the month.

However, Morrison is throwing these shit hole safe seats a bone by offering them the opportunity to rack up debt – with bigger loans available to JobKeeper-reliant small businesses — and a new two-year repayment holiday package for young families.

As the government fumbles its way through looking like they are supporting tourism in towns that have sat empty right through the summer months, there is only one man in Federal Politics who seems to have honest answers.

“Listen!” shouted Bob Katter III, from outside his Mount Isa electorate office this afternoon.

“What we need to do is…”

The controversial North Queensland MP took a deep breath before unveiling his game plan to save Australian tourism and aviation.

“Is grab a shovel”

“Go out the back. Dig up the poly pipe with all the buried firearms we hid in the ground during Howard’s buyback”

“And drive 24 hours to the heart of Sydney”

The press scrum gasped as the 75-year-old Agrarian Socialist began detailing plans for a hostile take over of Australia’s flag carrier.

“If we have to bail these bastards out… Then we oughta own these bastards” spat Katter.

“We’ll be kicking in the front door of Mascot and we’ll be telling these suits to line up against the wall”

‘It’s time to nationalise this mob. No more bonuses. No more bottomless champagne lunches”

“And after we’re done with QANTAS we’ll be doing the same to Queensland Rail”

“Be very afraid!!”


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